Missing Muse

I'm sitting here tonight desperately wishing I could write something.  Have you ever been there?  The Muse has left the building, and you have no idea how to find her?  It's moments like this when I deeply miss college.  In the 8.5 years since I graduated, I have really missed being in an educational environment.  Something about being surrounded by learning and teachers brought out the creative side of me.  I rediscovered it a couple of years ago when I went through the MC program at my home church.  I was finally once again able to write poetry.  

I don't know what causes the block, but it is very evidently there.  Of course, when I first started writing, I typically only got poems when my emotions were high.  And I use the phrase "got poems" because that's truly the only way I can describe it.  If I try to think of something, my mind goes blank. Then, suddenly, I'll get a phrase, and the rest all comes in a rush.  I shocked my roommate Sarah one night by flying out of bed and demanding some paper.  She stood there sort of bemused while I scribbled for about 2 minutes; then, I handed her the notebook and saying, "I was afraid I'd forget it," I went back to bed.  She was amazed that the poem (Masquerade) was complete and didn't require any editing.  All I could say was that is how they always come to me: whole, finished.  

But, returning to my lack of inspiration...

Does this ever happen to any of you? You have an ability or gift that sometimes seems to go on vacation?  It's very frustrating to know that you have something inside of you that you don't know how to access. 

Here's one of my poems from my college days:

Fall

Clouds, lightly roasted,

Eager for little hands--

Bonfire nights--

Cider apples--

Two-eyed sheets, howling for candy--

Brightly-colored showers

Blanketing the yard--

Frosty, leering lanterns,

Grinning out at straw men--

Families, meeting, eating--

"We thank Thee for this bounty,"

Ringing over turkeys.

--K. Yerton

9 October 2002

Don't tell me it's not worth fighting for...

I seem to frequently write blogs on relationships. Maybe it’s because I’m single; I’m not sure, but their dynamics fascinate me.

Tonight, I was reminded of a conversation I had with some female friends where the topic turned to—surprise, surprise—men and relationships. One girl was expressing frustration over the lack of movement in a new relationship. After much analyzing (as only women can analyze), the statement was made that “maybe he is waiting for a signal from you.” That, of course, led to another 30-minute discussion on how she could give-off said signal.

Remembering this conversation, and hundreds like it that I have been part of over that past 32 years, I kept coming back to the same thought: “What signal? And why is it the girl’s job to wave this flag of welcome?”

Ok—Pet Peeve Confession time: I hate what Feminism has done to romance in our culture. There have been many good things to come out of the movement (higher wages, more opportunities, etc.); however, it has just about destroyed the male/female romantic relationship. Women have worked so hard to prove that they are “just as good as (or better than)” men that they have left men feeling almost unnecessary. For example: If all the players on the football team decided they were all “as good as (or better than)” the quarterback, you would have an absolute mess on the field. Who’s catching the passes or running the touchdowns or protecting the ball? No one can be the quarterback if everyone is trying to be.

The same principle holds true in relationships: if both people are trying to be the man, who’s actually the man, and who’s left to be the woman? Unfortunately, we have all seen couples where the roles have been fully reversed (and they always make us cringe, right?). In my opinion, the same confusion has been forced on our modern dating scene.

Women are told “If you want something, go after it.” Naturally, they apply this to men, but something odd happens when they do. It has been my experience that most guys don’t like being actively pursued. Now, they will all admit it is a nice ego boost, and some will even say they are fine with it. But for the most part, the relationships that I see that work and last and have 2 contented, happy partners were mostly initiated by the man. We all know the old adage that we will work and fight for what we value, so women who have to chase down and convince a guy to date them should know that they have just proven how little the guy values them.

Of course, the truth of how women feel and are intrinsically wired is seen in the love stories they adore so much. Think about it: women absolutely love love stories! Here we are all saying how much we have the right and ability to go after what we want and initiate a relationship if we want, but we idolize these classic romantic heroes. Think of the most popular movies. I personally didn’t like Titanic, but I can totally understand why every other woman in the world (apparently) did. It’s not Rose, or Leonardo DiCaprio; it is the character of Jack. He knew what he wanted, and he went after her and got her. He was willing to take a crazy risk to get the girl he loved, and nothing was going to get in his way. It’s the same story with Mr. Darcy or Robin Hood or even Edward Cullen; these men flouted society, money, protocol, and expectations to try to win the heart of their women. And deep down, all women want to be the heroine that the hero will risk ridicule and rejection to win.

Now, understand that I totally get that we can’t necessarily live our lives just waiting for Mr. Rochester to knock down our door, but as women, we must realize that whoever initiates the relationship will probably be in charge of it from that point on.

I guess the simplest way to state it is the way I always describe my attitude about it: I won’t chase a man or try to get his attention; initiating is his job. I won’t fall all over myself making it easy for him, but I will be friendly and make myself available if he should decide to approach me. Watching me, you may think I’m standoffish or uninterested; but quite frankly, I can’t flirt to save my life, and I’ve always thought the fan-girl groupie act to be childish and irritating.

It all comes down to one question: Do women want the right to pursue what we want, or do we want to feel cherished and respected and desired?

You

You

You don't know how much
I have ached for you
In all your pain. 
And I have rejoiced
For your success. 

In times of uncertainty
And despair,
I have longed to
Reach out a hand
And help bear the weight. 

You don't know I'm here--
Always watching,
Waiting for my chance
To be a part of
Your life, your dreams. 

Still, here I will stay. 
And one day, you
May look up and see
That I have always
Been right here. 

--Kari Yerton (8/2012)

A Birthday, a Tutorial, and Yoda

This month was my nephew Mr. B's 7th Birthday, and since he is such a huge Star Wars fan, we had a very SciFi month. =)  The party featured things like Darth Maul dogs and Yoda Soda and pretzel stick light sabers.  The kids played hard with their party favors of light sabers made out of pool noodles and popped balloons with pictures of the Emperor and his lackeys.

And of course, then there were the gifts... Mr. B's current fascination is Legos (Personally, I'm hoping this never changes.) so we got him several new Star Wars building kits.  And I found a really cute retro lunch box with C-3PO and R2-D2 on it.  However, my favorite gift that I gave him (Because, of course his gifts are all about ME! lol) was a Yoda shirt that I "painted" with bleach.

Here's how to make a shirt this way.

The internet has several tutorials for making shirts with freezer paper stencils, but this one was a little different because I was using a negative stencil.  Since the shirt was black and I was using bleach, I wanted the parts that would normally be painted to stay the original black.  This meant that instead of cutting out a normal stencil that I would fill in, I had to cut out and keep the void areas.

STEP 1:

Gather your supplies.

Freezer Paper (like wax paper, but with wax only on one side)

Image (For this kind of project, you'll want a silhouette that is as simple as possible.)

Pen/Pencil 

Scissors/X-acto knife

Iron

Spray bottle

Bleach

STEP 2:

Trace your image onto the paper side of the freezer paper.

Make it as detailed or simple as you want.

STEP 3:

Cut out your stencil.

Make you keep the dark areas of the image.

STEP 4:

Iron your stencil to your shirt. (Sorry. I forgot to take a picture of this step.)

Use your image as a guideline for positioning the stencil pieces, ironing on only a few at a time.  Also, put a large flat piece of freezer paper or cardboard inside the shirt to keep from transferring the image to the back of the shirt when you bleach it.  

STEP 5:

Bleach shirt.

Using a spray bottle filled with a mixture of 1 part bleach to 2 parts water, spray around the image. Remember, a black shirt will turn a brown/orange color (If you leave the bleach on for a really long time, it will eventually turn grey.)  I always spray lightly all over the shirt and then flip it over to spray the back, too.  This makes it look more uniform.

STEP 6:

Rinse out the bleach.

Once you can see it has started turning, remove the paper pieces and rinse out thoroughly using water. The water will turn brown as you are washing it, so be careful to not splash it on anything.  After this initial rinse, you need to launder the shirt to make the image color-fast.  Be very careful that you don't wash it with anything else (unless you make several shirts) because it will fade all over them.

STEP 7:

Wear and enjoy! =)

Take 2....

I must be the world's worst blogger! haha Amazingly enough, I never feel as if I have anything to say--you would understand how hysterical that comment is if you've ever tried to get me to stop talking. One would imagine that between my natural tendency to logorrhea (look it up) and English Education degree my life would provide me with an overabundance of material to share with the world.  But, for some strange reason, when it comes down to writing something and posting, my mind blanks.

Ironically, the only other situation where I am consistently speechless is if I'm interested in a guy.  I am a well-educated, intelligent, loquacious woman until "he" walks through the door; suddenly, I'm Baby in Dirty Dancing: "I carried a watermelon..." Well, that was impressive! I'm just gonna go bang my head on that wall for a while.

Of course my lovely big sister Lora over at My Blessed Life has proven herself to be such a wonderful blogger that I wish I could keep up. haha  And even though that does not seem to be in the cards for me, I would like to maintain some sort of connection to the great blogosphere.

Thus, I will post when I post and cease feeling guilty about it as of today....

(I'll let you know how that goes.....) =)

For now, I'm going to leave you with another poem.

All Hope

The black fog is
Rolling in again--
Blotting out the
Sun and--with it--
All hope.

These days are like
Endless funerals--
All of my own
Dreams, plans, hopes--
All die.

Nothing can stand
In the onrushing
Sweep of this
Relentless sadness;
All pales.

Your face alone
Pierces through the flood
Of pain and doubt,
Bringing with it, light--
All light.

Help me through the
Suffocating clouds
To Your side, Your
Faithful love, and
All hope.

K. Yerton (2011)

Two Perspectives

My Rose

Many a time, I have looked for you
And seen only masks.
Many a summer, I have walked through
Fields and searched.
Even in spring, with the world abloom,
I didn't find my rose.

Tears come so easily in loneliness.
Pain comes with time.
A single heart cannot see its chance
To right the wrong.
I miss what I have never kissed,
What I have not held.

How long does a heart long for unattained
Desires and needs?
When does love reach its own end?
Times bring change
To many points and longings. Winds
Blow time by slowly.

--Kari Yerton
02/2000

_________________________________

Wallflower

So much time--
Wasted.
So much effort--
Gone.
So many days--
Lost.

How long have I
Been looking--
Searching--
Hoping--
For that perfect fit?
My other half?

You stand in the Corner--
Watching,
Calling,
Trying to catch
My eye.

The author of this
Hole,
You know,
You hold
The answer--
My heart's need.

--Kari Yerton
02/2011

What can I say? 11 years make a big difference!

Finish Line!!

Well, we are done!

Sunday was the Graduation for the 2011 Class of Master's Commission Remix at Harvest Time.

It's been a long nine months, but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything! =) I've made life-long friends and grown so much closer to God.

However, I am more than ready to move up and on with my life. Going back into a college atmosphere after 6 years out of academia was, at times, stretching and, at other times, frankly annoying! lol

But, God was good and faithful. I've truly found the answers to my questions of "Why am I doing this program?" and "Why now?"

So, we've crossed our finish line, received our diplomas, and raced out the door!

Ready for the next phase, God! Let's go!